Javier is 17 years old and older brother to John. His biological dad left when Javier was 5 and he’s not seen him since he was 8 years old. His mom remarried and that father adopted Javier and his brother.
How old were your parents when they met and where did they meet?
I don’t know where they met or how old they are. I have never asked.
How old were you when your parents told you they were going to Divorce?
I don’t remember the divorce, or them being together. After the divorce we did a lot of fun stuff with my dad. My brother and I would go to the local museums and his house near the ocean. He had a house with a basketball court. It was a big house. I remember the sound of his voice, he’s from the south, I was 5 or 6, and I know that I really loved him. When I was 8 my mom remarried and I don’t really remember but I don’t think my brother and I wanted to see him at this point. He was out of our lives pretty quick and my new dad adopted me. I remember that we really liked our new dad and our real dad was not doing a good job anymore, we stopped feeling so attached. There was a bunch of legal stuff and court that I could not understand, I don’t remember a lot about that or think about it much anymore, I used to think about him but I stopped when he went away and mom remarried.
How old were you when your Mom and second Dad got divorced?
I was 14 almost 15
How did they tell you or did you know it was going to happen?
It was out of the blue, they just started fighting I asked my mom if they were getting a divorce and she said “maybe”. I was really upset because in my mind everything was normal. They did a good job of covering up their disagreements in general. My dad left for a couple of days and turned up to my brother’s ball games. It was my mom that told me they were getting a divorce.
How did you truly feel about this decision?
I was upset I thought everything was going to fix itself and they would work out their issues and take a break and work it out.
How did it affect you personally, what were your deep inner thoughts?
I was overwhelmed and upset and I didn’t know what was going on, there was so much going on at the time it was like I didn’t believe it was happening but it was happening. I was sad but as sad as I should have been as I was also in disbelief, it didn’t really hit me that it was going on I just thought everything would fix itself. My mom is a great fixer, she always gets things done and fixed.
How did this affect your home and school life?
My grades got bad around that time but school was ok and everything was crazy, it didn’t affect school too much, just my grades and I would think about their divorce a lot at school. Things were less organised there was a lot more anger, my mom was going through a lot and things felt chaotic and overwhelming. My mom was great and she kept us in the house financially so we did not have to move. At the time I thought it was the greatest thing and a big deal but now I don’t feel we need a house this big and she had good intentions but worked way harder than she needed too.
Did you keep your connections with all your family members and Grandparents?
We didn’t see my grandparents too much on my dad’s side. We are still really close with my grandma and uncle on my mom’s side.
Do you feel it was the right choice for them to Divorce?
I guess, I don’t know, it wasn’t really in my control they did what they were going to do. Whatever they disagreed on was enough for them to not talk to each other in a friendly way anymore.